This is my hoiladay recount I hope you like it
Hamilton with dad
By Shacay hadfield-kingi
On the July holidays on friday me and my sister went to Timezone with my dad. After his busy week of hard working we were waiting for my dad to come back from work. I was excited to go to the place with the ultimate games ever that is timezone. And then I screamed “dad is home Chozen” I was jumping up and down.Once we got to Timezone that time we ran out of the car. “The fun begins moving motorbikes,driving cars,games having lollies here we come”I said. first we went to the moving motor bikes.The motorbikes were amazing. my sister and I was side by side the screen flashed 1,2,3 GO I was moving fast like a superstar in the sky blasting away .my sister was competing against me and I won and I came 4th place and my sister came 13th. After that we went to the driving cars. I had to jump onto the driving car and steer the wheel side to side. I was racing my dad and he won I was having the time of my life. I was nervous and excited at the same time
That day was special because I was spending time with my dad
Hi Shacay,
ReplyDeleteyou have done well to identify the different parts of your recount. I believe that your writing will make good improvements if you focus more during lessons and try harder to achieve your success criteria. Too often you rush to finish your tasks without thinking about what learning you should be trying to show. Your next steps are to learn how to organise persuasive writing, write more detail about your ideas and use good basic punctuation. These are some big goals, you will need to be tumaia. From Whaea Lana